Surviving Passion Read online

  When they found Bear he was tending to the pigs. They were in a spacious field all their own, with a wooden fence built of logs that linked together. There was not a nail in sight.

  “Hey, Bear!” Blaire’s yell made Selena wince. The big man waved and headed over. “Now isn’t this a nice fence? Bear and Clint made it all by themselves.”

  “Afternoon, Blaire. Selena,” he greeted the women when he got near. He shook Selena’s hand, taking care not to squeeze too hard. He suddenly seemed shy, or was it her imagination?

  “We’re just making the rounds today,” Blaire informed him. “Getting Selena acquainted with everyone. You wanna finish this and tell her the names of the piggies?”

  “I just might if you tempt me,” he smiled softly. “They’re more interesting than most of us, and smarter too.”

  “Sometime I might ask you,” Selena put in, gazing wistfully at the contented-looking creatures. The wild ones she was accustomed to were a whole lot meaner.

  “Well, we’re gonna head off. Susan’s the last person on our list. Any idea where she is?”

  “I think she was getting some food for the baby. Five years old now,” he corrected himself. “But I’ll call her ‘the baby’ until she’s eighteen, probably. Anyway, try your kitchen.”

  “Thanks Bear,” Blaire said as they headed off. When they were out of earshot, she informed Selena quietly, “He’s a little more serious because of last night. He’s got every reason to be flamin’ mad. I’ll tell you the story in a nutshell. No sense keeping you in the dark so long as you’re here with us. Those bastards murdered his brother just to make a statement. That Jake’s the one that done it. Worst part of it was that Bear was there when it happened. The two of them were out with Dan and Shane when they all ran into that little posse for the first time. Those boys were lookin’ for trouble. They take what they need from everyone else, damn parasites. There would have been a fight right then and there if Shane hadn’t talked ‘em down. Bear and his brother were the same size. Those bastards took a look at those two and Dan, and wanted to fight ‘em just for fun. They was all lucky Shane is such a smooth-talker, he had ‘em all convinced they was friends for a while there. Once they went their separate ways we’re guessin’ they changed their minds. Probably couldn’t figure out how they’d been talked out of it in the first place,” she smiled grimly. “The next time Bear and his brother ran into them alone, Jake decided he wanted all their supplies and the location of our camp here. This time he’d made up his mind. Bastards took everything they had but not before sticking a knife in John. That’s Bear’s brother. Luckily they couldn’t get any information out of them. They’da had to kill Bear too if they hadn’t of knocked him out. Guess they figured Bear would be more trouble than he was worth, or maybe that he’d never tell them anything. That’s true because if he gave us up he’d be giving up Susan and his little girl Becky. Never woulda happened.”

  Selena struggled with the onslaught of information. She felt terrible for Bear. He seemed like a gentle soul. She could honestly say she knew how he felt, having watched her own father murdered in front of her. Shuddering, Selena tried not to think about the memory and hoped Blaire would change the subject. Luckily, they were drawing up to the kitchen and Blaire didn’t want Susan to hear them talking about it, so she dropped her story.

  As they got close, Susan came down the stairs with a little blonde girl that looked to be around five and a black-haired boy about the same age. These were the same kids that had been hiding outside Selena’s cabin earlier in the day. Blaire hailed them.

  “Hey Susan, meet Selena.”

  “Hello Selena. It’s nice meeting you,” and she shook her hand with a chipper smile. “This is my Becky; and Sara’s boy, Jay.” She patted their heads affectionately.

  “Good to meet you all,” Selena replied, trying to ignore the strangeness she felt from shaking hands with so many people. She was so accustomed to running whenever she saw another human being. Walking right up to them was becoming exhausting and she knew her stress level was higher than it showed.

  “Susan’s a teacher. She’s got the fabulous job of keeping the kiddies educated. We’re all awfully jealous,” Blaire chuckled sarcastically.

  “Oh, it’s not as bad as you might think. They’re good kids,” Susan smiled, giving them both a squeeze that made them squirm.“Little smarties too,” she added. “I hear you’re a leatherworker, Selena?”

  “Yeah. I know a bit.”

  “Well maybe when you get all settled in we can do a class? We like to have them focus on whatever they’re interested in the most, so who knows, you might have a little apprentice sometime.”

  “Oh, okay,” Selena said awkwardly, trying to imagine what that would be like.

  “I can always supervise. You just let me know if you’re up for it. That is if this mess all blows over.”

  “Okay,” Selena repeated. It seemed like Susan’s roots were probably planted more deeply here than anyone else’s. It was her job to supervise the future members of the community, thereby shaping what it would become. One of the children was her own and she had a husband here. It seemed they were the only proper family in the community.

  Susan prompted the kids to say goodbye, and with another warm smile she was off with the pair of them in tow. Selena watched the woman go, and suffered a fierce hope for Susan’s future and that of her family. She prayed that things would not end for these people the way she thought it would.

  “Well I think that’s everyone for now,” Blaire said, bringing Selena back to the present. “The others are out. Just make yourself comfortable and don’t be afraid to ask if you need anything. I’ve got a dinner bell so you don’t need to keep track of the time.”

  “Thanks. I think I’m just gonna head back to my cabin for a bit,” Selena told her before moving off with the best smile she could muster.

  On her way back she tried not to look like she was in too much of a hurry, but she felt a growing need to be alone. When Selena got to her cabin she bolted the door and strode to her room, tossing herself on her bed. It took several minutes to relax and adjust to the idea of interacting with people on a daily basis. Thank God they’re nice. She sighed with a palpable sense of relief. Still, Selena didn’t like the fact that having a residence meant that people knew where to find you. If they tried the door and it was locked they would know she was inside. Pushing these worries from her mind, she got up and headed to the front room to inspect the many leatherworking supplies she had perused briefly the night before.

  Selena found good leather, string made from intestines, and best of all, proper needles for sewing. She had always used bone for the purpose but these were made from metal and were much easier to use. For the next few hours she tinkered, considering Susan’s suggestion. She liked the idea of spending time with the children, imagining they would be much easier to relate to than the more complicated adults.

  By the time the dinner bell rang she was halfway done with a simple calf-length skirt. Putting her skills to use fed her optimism, she realized as she headed out the door. She could make people all of the clothes they needed, and they couldn’t ask much else from her. The new equipment doubled her usual working speed, and that was exciting. In exchange for her craft, she wouldn’t have to worry about food for the first time in her adult life.

  Dinner was served in a dining area adjoining the kitchen. The room was fitted with three wooden tables and matching chairs. There was enough natural light coming in from the high windows that electricity wouldn’t have been necessary even if they had it. Blaire had prepared the pair of small wild turkeys that Jimmy had brought back earlier. When Selena arrived, the children were seated at their own table and the adults were divided amongst the remaining two. Cal and Dan were absent, she noted, and wondered how long they would be gone.

  Her introduction to Jimmy was brief. He was as brooding and austere as ever, but they weren’t about to have a big conversation while the dinner that was laid o
ut before them got cold. Selena tried to decide if Jimmy was the black sheep of the community. If so, she could sympathize. She felt the same way already.

  Choosing a seat far away from Clint, Selena found a place between Blaire and Gina at the table. His displeasure was visible, but she did not want to encourage him.

  The dinner conversation ranged greatly from how Dan and Cal might be faring to where Selena had come from. They were all curious as to how Dan found her. She left out as much as she could, but did embellish the chase their enemies gave her. She said nothing about Dan forcing her to come along. When they learned that she’d been living on her own, they all mused over what a good thing he’d done by bringing her. Everyone seemed to think that leaving her to her own devices wasn’t even a possibility to be considered. Selena kept quiet, feeling a little sour that they were all on his side.

  Six

  Dan and Cal didn’t return for several days. In that time, Selena had made excellent progress with her new leatherworking equipment. Little by little, things seemed to be getting more comfortable.

  One evening after dinner, she was helping Sara and Blaire clean off the tables in the growing dimness. The dinner conversations had lingered on later than usual, so the lanterns were glowing around the room as the three women cleared the plates.

  Selena almost dropped one when Dan strode in with Cal behind him. She corrected herself quickly, and only managed a nod at the two of them before hurrying into the kitchen. She set the plates down next to the washbasin and gripped the counter, trying to shake off the fluttering feeling in her stomach. She had just begun to stop thinking about him, and felt thrown by his abrupt entrance.

  “You okay, honey?” Sara asked as she brought in another armload of dishes.

  “Oh, yes,” Selena answered in a hushed voice before stepping back into the dining hall. She wasn’t about to let her strange reactions betray her even stranger feelings.

  When she stepped back into the room, the two of them were seated with a third man she’d never seen. He was average height, and if it weren’t for his receding hairline, Selena would have sworn he was no more than seventeen years old. As soon as he saw her, the man hopped up with a friendly smile, reaching his hand out to her.

  “So you’re Selena? Hi. I’m Shane. You’ve probably met everyone else by now. I’m kinda the trapper here so I run around a lot. Haven’t been in.”

  Selena shook his hand, feeling disarmed and suddenly relaxed. His kind eyes seemed at once innocent and wise. Selena at once remembered that Blaire said Shane could make anyone his friend. She didn’t doubt it.

  “There’s so much good leather collected,” Selena offered. “Keep it up, I guess.”

  “Oh that’s right. I think someone mentioned you’re doing our leatherworking. Pressure’s on now,” he grinned with a hint of playful self-deprecation in his voice.

  Selena waved that off and went back to clearing the table as he returned to his chair. He had a nice face, she decided, and exceptionally flawless skin. This last quality surprised her, as trapping was not the gentlest of jobs. She was also impressed that this small exchange of words had helped her to ignore Dan’s gaze. This had never been possible in the past.

  The three men began discussing their findings while Selena continued to clean up. Sara and Blaire did a bad job of eavesdropping discreetly as they filled three more plates with food. Now that Selena had no distraction, her attention returned to Dan and she battled the consistent urge to look at him. She supposed she felt attached in some perverse way. This never changed how uncomfortable Selena felt when he was around. Not just uncomfortable. Unnerved. Simply being near him was like diving to the bottom of a murky pool. There was no way to know what lurked beneath, or if she would drown.

  It didn’t help settle her uneasy feelings that he still seemed to be ignoring her. In fact, it magnified them. Selena wondered if the fault was hers. She hadn’t been easy on him. Then again, he sure as hell had never gone easy on her. People always said that your first experiences with someone tended to linger. This explained why the tension never seemed to ease, she thought to herself.

  Through the internal chatter of her thoughts, Selena only managed to gather from their conversation that she and Dan hadn’t been followed on their way in, so they knew their enemies were still in the dark about their exact location.

  When they finished cleaning up, she made a point of walking out through the dining room without so much as a glance at the men. She distinctly felt Dan’s eyes on her back as she left the building. That’s convenient, she decided happily, revisiting the parallel between his attention and that of a stalking cougar. If my hair stands up, I’m either about to get mauled by a big cat or Dan’s watching me. She couldn’t decide which scenario she preferred.

  Selena took her time in heading back. Over the past few days she’d already been able to make a couple pairs of pants and a shirt for the others. The children’s demand for clothes was becoming especially apparent as Selena came to understand how fast they were growing out of their old things. Trying to keep her mind on the work, she hadn’t gone twenty paces from the kitchen before rapid footfalls sounded behind her.

  “Hey! Slow down, girl.”

  She frowned, turning around. It was Clint.

  “Now how come you haven’t come to visit me?” he asked, like it wasn’t a big deal. “I’m starting to think you’re avoiding me.”

  “I’ve just been busy,” she said neutrally. “This is all taking some time to get used to.”

  “I’m glad you told me that. Are you having any problems? Any of the guys harassing you?”

  Selena stifled a snort. “No, actually everyone has been very nice. But it’s just different.”

  “Well I could take any of them. They’re all chicken shit anyway.” He put his hand on the small of her back, adding, “So if anyone gives you a hard time you let me know and I’ll deal with it. You’re beautiful. Let’s face it. A girl like you can’t do too well on her own, even here. You gotta have someone to keep you safe.”

  Selena’s skin crawled and her stomach turned. “Thanks for the advice, Clint,” she replied stepping away from his touch. “But I can manage just fine on my own. Seems like everyone here takes care of each other. I haven’t had trouble.”

  But he wasn’t so easily shaken off and continued to walk with her. “I know you’re probably the most capable girl here. That’s really impressive, but I also know the guys around here and we both know they’re circling like vultures. You’ve only been here a few days. They’ll start moving in soon. You should think about sending a message that you’re not available.”

  “Well, thanks Clint, I’ll think about it,” she told him shortly as they reached her steps. “Goodnight.”

  When Selena was inside she began wondering if maybe he had a point. Would she have to be with a man for Clint to keep his distance? She hoped not.

  Selena began worrying again. She didn’t want to reject him outright. Who knew how he would react? There was an unpredictable edge to him that kept her on guard. Her displeasure grew. If I wasn’t living here I wouldn’t have to worry about handling people, she reminded herself. Who would she ask for help if Clint should become too much of a problem? Her best ally seemed to be Blaire, but what could the woman really do to control him? As for self-defense, although Selena was quick with her knife, she knew that just one misstep was all it would take. It was no easy thing, fighting someone twice your weight or more. One day at a time, she told herself, sinking into her bed with a tired sigh. That was one area of progress. She was learning to sleep in it.

  The next day, a meeting was held after the morning meal and everyone was there. Cal began by reporting what they had found out during their few days of scouting.

  “The count was twenty-five. There might have been more but they weren’t in town at the time. We know which buildings they are sleeping in. Small groups of them range out a lot to hunt. If they’ve managed to hold on to any guns they haven’t used them
or we’re guessing they just don’t have ammo. They’re pretty well armed with knives and one of ‘em has some kind of hand-made archery set.

  So far, I’m liking the plan we talked about last time. Get to them before they get to us. Attack them in the dark, and by dark I mean new moon dark. If we decide to do this, we’ll need to be as quiet as possible and get anyone who strays. Pick them off one by one. We should hit whoever’s going outside whether it’s to keep watch or take a piss. Any of you worried about their dignity?”

  When a resounding silence followed, Cal grinned and Shane added, “I say to cover our tracks and keep ourselves protected we set snares for ‘em. We should have certain areas to run to if things get too messy and that’s where the traps will be. We can even take more of ‘em out that way.”

  “Anyone doing the killing needs to be very fast,” Dan put in. “We don’t want anyone outrunning us if we’re going to lure them like that. We may even need to have backup in case anyone gets away.”

  He paused and looked at the ground. Everyone waited.

  “Before we go any further down this track you should decide if you really want to do this. If it works, we’ll probably drive the survivors away, but we might have to kill most of them for that to happen.” He scanned their faces before concluding, “If we start something like this, we have to finish it.”

  “They started it when they killed John,” Bear growled. “There ain’t enough room. It’s either them or us. We go on waitin’ around, they’ll get the jump on us and we won’t be ready for it. There’s no living alongside ‘em.”

  “We can’t let them find us here. We’re as good as dead when they do.” It was Susan who spoke now. Everyone seemed a little surprised at her change of heart since the subject was last under discussion. Her statement seemed to settle it for most of them. They could no longer afford to be passive about their future and Selena could tell that a lot of them were very angry about what happened to Bear’s brother. He must have been an important member of the community, she thought.