Surviving Passion Read online

  “Some of us aren’t ready to let go of civilization, Selena. Our way of life gets more primitive and feral every day. We’ve lost too much ground since the Crash. We don’t need to give up more. The world still has some people left and those people are going to rebuild. It’ll be different, but we’re going to have some security again. Some law and order. Wandering around with only what we can carry is just going to set us back. We shouldn’t have to run.”

  Selena bristled. Her lifestyle and that of her parents was not primitive. “You’re giving up ...” she struggled for the right word, “resourcefulness for safety you can’t maintain. You all have too much to lose here. At some point, someone is going to take it from you.

  “And my lifestyle is based on mastery of the natural world, not clinging to the past. I think you’re living a lot more dangerously than my family ever did. According to them, things were pretty wild before the Crash too. No shortage of danger then either.”

  Selena stopped herself with a sigh, turned abruptly and walked away. No point in arguing with him. She knew his response would only make her irate and she didn’t want to wait around for it.

  He had answered her question, and she didn’t have to defend her decisions. Who was he to judge her? Selena briskly came back down the hill, needing some time to clear her head.

  When she got back to the cabin, someone was sitting on the steps in the darkness. Case in point, she thought, with mounting vexation. This was exactly what Dan didn’t seem to get, despite how perceptive he seemed. He can’t understand, she decided with resignation. He’s a man.

  “Hello?” she asked the shadow; glad she was in earshot of all the other cabins.

  “Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you coming,” said a startled masculine voice. He stepped away from the stairs and into the moonlight.

  It was the short guy that she had disliked on sight earlier. He hadn’t participated in the discussion so she didn’t know his name. Short as he was, he was still quite a bit taller than she. With his big, bulky muscles and exaggerated body language, he looked like the kind of person who tried too hard. She thought she remembered something about a syndrome for short men that her parents mentioned, but couldn’t remember what it was. All in all, there was no one she’d be less happy to see between her and her front door. She folded her arms over her chest and faced him squarely.

  “So you’re Selena? I’m Clint,” he said sticking his hand out to her.

  She shook it firmly and drew it back as quickly as possible.

  He stepped in closer before continuing, “I just had to come here and tell you that the whole thing with you hanging out up there in the tree was great. That was totally smooth. No one had any idea. I mean, I noticed early on but I wasn’t going to say anything. Dan is such a pain in the ass, isn’t he? He really shouldn’t have busted you on it.”

  Selena frowned at all the chatter but he continued on as though there was some private understanding between the two of them.

  “I know you haven’t known him for very long but he thinks he’s the best thing ever. But you know what?” And here he leaned forward like he was going to entrust her with some confidential information, “It’s all bull shit. You’ll see. You’re smart. So don’t mind him. I thought it was great.”

  Selena only nodded, humoring him.

  “Anyway, I’d better leave you alone to get some rest. But if you ever get bored, my cabin is the second on the left side of the path over there,” and he gestured at it. “Feel free to come hang out any time you like.”

  “Okay, thanks,” Selena said, making her way to her steps. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight” he grinned with a wave, adding, “Nice to meet you,” before heading off.

  When Selena got inside, she bolted the door, hoping this Clint wasn’t going to make a nuisance of himself. Selena was not so naïve as to think he was only interested in idle conversation with her. So Clint’s a little creepy, she decided, shrugging.

  The fact that he disliked Dan so much was disconcerting. While she hadn’t entirely trusted Dan, she trusted Clint far less. What if her judgment of Dan was too harsh? Selena began to regret all the arguments they had. She sat on her bed and sighed, running her hands through her hair and feeling like an idiot. The only reason he chased me was because I was headed in a dangerous direction and risking my safety again, she pondered. Well that may have been the reason he went after her in the first place, but Selena knew something had triggered his desire.

  “God, people are confusing,” she whispered under her breath. What if she just wasn’t equipped for this, Selena wondered. What if she was an exception to the rule?

  His story made sense. She had acted like a wild animal. It was justified of course, but that didn’t help the situation. And he was right. She wouldn’t have accepted any form of help from him at all. Not willingly. So he fed her a semi-honest truth about adding her to the community, and now that she was here, she could choose for herself. At this point, he didn’t seem to care too much whether she left or not.

  Suddenly, Selena wanted to stay. Well, why not? she asked herself, feeling suddenly reckless. But there was this other posse and creepy Clint. That made twenty-one good reasons not to stay. Selena lay down on the bed, biting her lip. Most of the people here didn’t seem half bad. She had to admit that human contact felt good. She hadn’t realized how lonely she had been all these years. People were confusing; but interesting too, and she was almost as curious about them as the intriguing leatherworking equipment that was now hers. She’d love to have time to experiment with it.

  Selena deliberated long and hard into the night before coming to a decision. In the end, curiosity won. She wanted to learn about these people and their way of life. Besides, she thought, even I know it’s not polite to eat and run. And that steak had been good.

  Five

  Selena stirred as the light through the windows became too bright to ignore. She had found the bed too soft, so she had and taken refuge underneath it; un-tucking the blankets above to hang down, concealing her. Old habits were tough to break. Her sleep had been restless, but when she awoke, it was already late morning. She suddenly felt nervous. Half the day had gone by and she was missing everything that was going on. The feeling mounted until her heart actually quickened. This is going to kill me, she thought, trying to relax and take deep breaths. I don’t have to keep track of everything that happens here. When her heartbeat slowed once more, Selena headed to the mirror in the bathroom and smoothed her hair. She briefly considered making herself look worse. No. If I can’t live here normally, then I can’t live here at all, she concluded resolutely and headed out the door.

  There were a couple of kids running around outside. They hid and watched her from behind a bush, pretending to be stealthy. She waved, spoiling their fun. The person she really wanted to see was Blaire because she was the only one who made Selena feel comfortable. Also, she needed something to do and she guessed Blaire wouldn’t hesitate to give her some work. Weaving her way between various cabins and a couple of larger buildings, she ran into Gina who greeted her promptly.

  “Hey! We didn’t officially meet last night. My name’s Gina.” She offered her hand with a genuine smile.

  “Selena. Nice to meet you. Umm … could you maybe tell me where Blaire is?”

  “I think she was over by the garden down that way,” the woman gestured, still smiling brightly. “Hey, I can help with provisions if you need any supplies. Blaire and I kind of share the job, but she handles the food more than anything else. Tell me if you need anything.”

  “Okay, thanks,” Selena said appreciatively as Gina went on her way.

  “You take care now,” she said warmly over her shoulder.

  After a couple minutes of wandering down the path, Selena finally found the garden. It was much bigger than she’d expected. She surveyed it with blunt appraisal, considering all the work that must have gone into it. She recognized Ben working on a row of shrubs that bore some kind of citrus fruit.


  “Excuse me,” she said when he was close enough to hear. “Hi. Is Blaire around here somewhere?”

  “Hey. Umm,” he craned his neck to look for her. “Right over there,” he pointed.

  “Thanks,” Selena said, turning to go.

  “How was the tree-climbing?” Ben asked with something that actually looked like a smile.

  Selena reddened before throwing out a viable answer. “More interesting than usual.”

  “I’ll bet,” he said with a humorous glint in his eyes. “So you work with leather?”

  It sounded more like a statement than a question.

  “Yes. Learned from my dad, mostly,” she answered, starting to feel self-conscious.

  “Good. We could use more useful people around here. So you were on your own out there when Dan found you?”

  She nodded, “For a very long time, yes.”

  “Rough,” he said rubbing his chin. “It’s wonderful that you can speak English.”

  Selena laughed, “Yeah, I uh … I read. It helps. A lot.”

  “But this is great. Now you can get some real practice in,” he joked.

  “Yeah. It’s been hard … but good,” she smiled despite herself, not minding his teasing.

  “Well I’ll let you go practice on someone else, I’ll probably just make things worse,” he said turning back to his work.

  “Bye,” she said with a bemused smile. Maybe he looks so bored all the time because he’s smart, she pondered.

  Selena spotted Blaire finally and strode over to her with a little wave of greeting.

  “Well good morning! Wait, no, good afternoon. You slept through all of yesterday!”

  Selena blinked.

  “I’m just messin’ with ya,” Blaire cackled.

  Selena had to smile again. It had been years since anyone had joked with her. .

  “Well I’m guessing you want a bite to eat. I can show you around when you’re through. Give you the tour.”

  Selena nodded. Blaire led her to the kitchen, which was impressive. Selena imagined it must have been ideal back when it had power and plumbing.

  “I know what you’re thinking and you’re right,” Blaire said. “There was probably more technology in this kitchen than anywhere else on these grounds.”

  “It looks that way,” Selena confirmed.

  “Well, we still use the refrigerator but usually that’s just when we have snow to pack it. Only you have to be ready when it starts melting. Never mind all that. The best part is the dishes and the counter space.”

  Selena sat at the bar that overlooked the kitchen. It felt surreal. For a moment she was reminded of her earliest years before the Crash. She recalled having a favorite cup as a child. It was red, made of plastic and had two handles for her chubby little toddler hands to clutch easily. A sudden sadness leaped up her throat and her eyes misted at the ache she felt for a life she barely remembered. Embarrassed, she blinked and returned her thoughts to the present as Blaire bustled about getting food together.

  “It’s too bad you just missed lunch. We eat together for the most part. Woulda’ been a nice time to introduce you to everyone. Maybe at dinner then. Last night doesn’t count,” Blaire wagged a finger at her with a smirk.

  “Actually I already met Gina and Ben today,” Selena smiled abashedly. She paused before adding, “Met Clint too … last night.”

  “Ooh, sorry about him. He’s got the maturity of a six year old and a bad case of Little Man’s Syndrome. Was he inappropriate?”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re honest,” Selena answered slowly. “That’s what it was, ‘little man’s syndrome’. I couldn’t remember what it was called but that’s exactly what I was thinking. No he wasn’t. He just complained about Dan and invited me over.”

  “Well, maybe just avoid him. There’s nothing worse than an obnoxious guy who has something to prove. Unfortunately he gets his work done so everyone deals with it. Here ya go. Hope you like it,” she said sliding a plate in front of Selena. “I’ll kick his butt for ya if he does anything you don’t like. Just let me know.”

  There were string beans and blackberries, and some cold leftover steak from the night before, but best of all, a hard-boiled chicken egg lay on the plate.

  “It’s a good thing fire still works,” Blaire quipped as Selena appreciated the egg.

  Selena grinned, “You have chickens?”

  “Yep! Chickens, pigs, and even some cows, which you might have guessed from your dinner,” Blaire affirmed proudly. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear the roosters this morning. We keep them at a good distance, but even still, you must have been really knocked out.”

  Selena was beginning to appreciate the lure of a stationary community. Then she remembered something that now struck her as odd.

  “I noticed when we rode in that there were some horses just grazing out there without any fences around.”

  “The horses are trained extra carefully. That’s Bear’s area of expertise. I’m guessing you remember him from last night.” When Selena nodded, she went on, “The chickens are confined and so are the pigs. The cows kinda roam around, but the only way out is from that path you rode in on, and they don’t like it very much since the coyotes tend to hang out beyond there. It seems to work for us, but sometimes the little beasties get awful bold and we’ve had to work real hard to keep the chickens safe. We run ‘em off if they come too close. The horses help with that. Buck in particular has great fun chasing them. Dan tell you they’re attack horses?”

  “He did say that. I didn’t know how you could get them to do that.”

  “Well that’s Bear again. He has his ways. Pretty much all of them are on the lookout for anything dangerous. So if you’re on Star again and something or someone ever tries to get you, she’ll take a bite out of their faces. We just want as much defense as we can get, and no one expects the horses to fight. Gives us a good edge. Well, we haven’t needed them for any problems with other people, but they sure love stompin’ snakes and chasing black bears.”

  Selena’s eyes were wide with genuine interest. Chasing black bears? She wondered if Blaire was exaggerating.

  On the whole, these were all concerns she’d never had herself and it was fascinating how variable different lifestyles could be, considering the state of the world.

  When Selena finished her food, Blaire gave her the tour. Aside from the kitchen and the residential cabins, there was a woodshed with a work area, something that had been converted into a barn, a store room full of pelts, skins and other usable animal parts, and some kind of converted storm cellar underground for produce.

  “It’s always cool down here. Stuff keeps better,” Blaire explained of the cellar.

  Then they headed past the fields toward the pond as Blaire listed the crops they had growing.

  “There’s string beans, blackberries, tomatoes, figs, apples, carrots, squash, lemons, and even artichokes if you can believe it. Potatoes too, and they’re my favorite. I can cook all of it right over the fire with animal lard. Not too bad, eh? I make some mean stew. Never really realized how much food a person eats until the Crash happened.” She waved to Ben as he worked in the fields. “We gotta grow a lot to keep everyone healthy. Helps us to lay off the deer and turkey populations in the area. Our chickens have helped some too ‘cause they breed pretty fast. All in all, I’d say we do pretty darn well here.”

  As she continued filling Selena in on the details of land cultivation, the two of them drew near the pond. There was an odd contraption at its edge that looked handmade, which Blaire explained was the best system they had for filtering water.

  “We all have Ben to thank for that. Smart guy, that Ben. If he was my age he’d have gone to school for engineering or somethin’ fancy, back when there was such a thing. Anywho, we bring the water in buckets back to a fifty-five gallon drum out back by the kitchen. We’ve never had to restrict water. Oh and there’s a nice little spot to bathe out that way where the trees block the view. Mos
t of the men round here just charge right in buck naked, but in case yer shy it’s a nice spot. Pond’s usually pretty warm. When the weather is hot, we do us a fair bit of swimmin’.”

  When they were finished admiring the deep blue pond and the greenery surrounding it, they headed back with Blaire narrating on the members of the community.

  “Now you said you met Ben, Gina and Clint. So Sara was sitting with Gina last night at the fire. Middle-aged girl with brown hair,” when Selena nodded, Blaire went on, “She looks after the kids most of the time, she and Bear’s wife Susan, the blonde one. Susan and Bear have the blonde girl, Becky. The dark-haired boy, Jay, is Sara’s. We think Jimmy is the dad, but no one is completely sure. He and Sara and Jay joined us a while back, but as you might have guessed, we don’t ask too many questions about the past around here. Jimmy’s Asian, you probably saw him last night too. He’s about my age. Skinny. Serious. He mostly does trapping with Shane, but Shane’s the real talent of that pair. The both of them are out doin’ that now, so you won’t meet Shane until they get back. Let’s go find Sara.”

  When they found the woman, she was washing clothes in a little basin outside her cabin. She looked up at them with a chipper smile, exposing the gap between her front teeth. “Oh, hello Selena, what an introduction you made last night. Scared me half to death!” She wagged her head. Selena hadn’t noticed the night before how raspy Sara’s voice sounded. Years of hardship showed plainly on her face.

  “Hi. Sorry about that. Never meant to.”

  Blaire bustled her along protectively.

  “Let’s see, who else is in? Cal is out with Dan doin’ a bit of scouting, but you already met him. They’re bein’ extra careful now, with those god-awful men just over the hills. It sure is a comfort that we got those boys lookin’ out for us. Who’s left? Oh, Bear and Susan of course! You’ll just love them. Sweetest couple you ever met, I promise you. Susan is an angel and Bear is usually the ‘Teddy’ version. It’s rare that the ‘Grizzly’ side pops up.” She grinned a crooked smile at Selena. “I always say anyone who loves animals has gotta be a good one.”