Surviving Passion Read online

  “Now why does this interest you?” He asked standing upright again and folding his arms.

  “I’m just wondering how much of our success depends on you,” Selena scrambled. It wasn’t entirely true, but in retrospect, she knew it was a valid concern.

  For a flash, she thought she could see the weight of it on his face, but then it was gone and she wasn’t sure if it was her own imagination trying to force the potential of emotionality on him.

  “You worry about your job. I’ll worry about mine,” he told her before moving to resume his tasks.

  Selena dropped her eyes, feeling tired. He had clearly misinterpreted her concern and she didn’t feel like keeping quiet at the moment. She chewed her lip and mustered the courage for an honest response. The tension between them was driving her mad, and she hoped that a little honesty would create some normalcy between them.

  “I’m not worried about your performance, Dan,” she told him slowly. “Just hoping you don’t break your back trying to spare the others.” Here Selena swallowed. It was the most unguarded she’d ever been with him and suddenly she felt as if she was out on a very long and flimsy limb. Immediately she regretted her candor.

  “Is that it? Or is Clint bitching that he doesn’t have a big enough job?” he asked, the mask returning.

  She was right, she thought, feeling openly affronted. She shouldn’t have said it.

  “I wouldn’t know, Dan.”

  He gave her a skeptical look and she couldn’t suppress a laugh.

  “You don’t honestly believe I’m involved with him.”

  “None of my business,” he said, evenly.

  Selena ran out of patience. She turned to leave before changing her mind and marching right up to him.

  “You know what? It is your business, Dan. It is your business because you were the one that dragged me out here against my will and all my better judgment so that I would have to be subjected to that guy. What did you think was going to happen when you brought me here? I’m really curious. It looks like you’ve washed your hands of me. So what did you expect?”

  “You have been free to leave since you got here,” he shrugged, looking nonplussed by her aggressive stance.

  “My living here was your idea,” she pointed at him accusingly, and she knew she had him there. It was the truth and both of them knew it.

  His eyes were unyielding as ever when he quietly answered, “You said you could take care of yourself.”

  Selena stood there stunned as though she’d been slapped. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to cry or hit him or both, so just as her chin began to tremble, she whirled around and flew out the door.

  “Selena,” he called behind her, but he would have to do a hell of a lot better than that if he wanted to make nice. If she said anything else to him, it would be laced with angry tears that she didn’t want him to see. How could he be so insensitive? she thought with bewilderment. She had never felt more confused in her life. He was wrong. She could take care of herself. She could until he came along and turned her life upside-down. It wasn’t her fault Clint wouldn’t leave her alone. Why was he blaming her?

  When she was halfway back to the cabin she could no longer hold back the tears. He’s right. It was her responsibility to draw clear lines for men like Clint. It was her fault he wouldn’t back off. She hadn’t been firm enough with him. She had to adapt. The worst part, Selena realized, was that she had tried to kill Dan for less.

  Selena decided she couldn’t blame him for what he’d said. He was probably having a hard time keeping up with what a mess she was. It was no wonder he kept his distance.

  But was it wrong if some tiny part of her did want the security that she could only get from Dan? Their differences seemed insurmountable at this point, but that didn’t change the fact that he was always on her mind. When Selena reached her cabin, she went up the stairs slowly, turning around when her hand grasped the doorknob. Just as she’d known, there was no one there. For once, he hadn’t chased her, and for once, she wished he had.

  Seven

  The following morning, Selena resolved to be as clear with Clint as necessary to get him out of her face. Of course, that was assuming that they lived through the coming days. If they did happen to survive, she was going to be more like Gina. Honest, brave and direct. Just because she was living in a community of people didn’t mean she couldn’t do things her way. Things were going to change.

  Today, they would all ride out together (Susan excluded), so there were much bigger concerns on Selena’s mind. Before setting foot out of her cabin, she decided firmly that last night hadn’t happened at all. It would be easy to forget. They were much too busy to think about inconsequential arguments now anyway. A war was about to begin.

  At the morning meal, Selena’s expectations proved correct. Dan’s attention was entirely focused on the feverish preparations for the group’s departure.

  It was still early when they were finally ready to set out. Susan had said her tearful goodbyes to Bear. The woman was terrified, but she did a very good job of keeping herself together. Selena would never trade places with her. She could not imagine staying behind alone while her whole clan rode out to meet their fate. Selena was mounted on Star while the others began to ride, and shook her head as she considered how Susan must feel.

  Once again, the whole plan seemed completely insane. What would happen to Susan and the children if no one came home? Selena’s gut twisted as she wondered again why on earth they didn’t just relocate. What was happening made no sense to her.

  Amidst the chaos of the horses and the moving people, her eyes found Susan who was staring not at Bear, but Dan. Mounted on Buck, he had paused to return her gaze. No one else seemed to take notice as they buzzed around obliviously, but for Selena, time seemed to turn strangely still. The horses’ movements faded with the voices of the others, and the golden morning light bathed the pair beautifully as the dust whorled slowly around them. Somehow, Selena understood the entirety of what was passing between them. Susan didn’t need to tell him to bring her husband back to her alive. Not out loud.

  Selena knew that whatever happened in the days to come, she would never in all her life forget that moment and all that it meant. She stared at the ground as the moment passed, and found herself wondering how he could bear the weight of such responsibility. He hadn’t wanted any of this, Selena knew. Now he was leading them into battle. For the next few hours, Selena felt as though she were riding through a dream, lost in the overwhelming emotions of humanity that she had once separated herself from so completely.

  Their pace was brisk as all the horses were fresh and rested. They followed Cal and Dan on a trek that kept them under cover of forest for most of the journey, which was appreciated not only for the security the trees provided, but also for the shade and cool air. It seemed like only yesterday she was riding in with Dan. Now she was riding out again, under a very different set of circumstances. She was willingly heading out to battle for people she had known for less than a moon’s cycle. But she and Dan were still the same two people, and oddly enough, they were on the same two horses. Gazing on the dark pair ahead of her more often than she liked to, Selena couldn’t hope to deny how beautiful they looked. A magnificent animal, she thought wryly, and an equally lovely horse. She couldn’t suppress a smile. Her mood sobered quickly and Selena found herself asking unanswerable questions. How many times throughout history had a man and his horse been so sublime to look upon, and the man so important to the people around him? She was sure there were countless many, and felt the smallness of these few lives around her now. They were only a handful of people, and their courageous deeds would be forgotten in the blank pages of history that their lifetime occupied. Does everyone who rides into battle have thoughts like these? Selena wondered with a shudder.

  It was not until the following evening that the little band reached their destination. The riding would have been monotonous if it weren’t for the thick apprehension that
clung in the air around them. Few had gotten any sleep.

  When they reached their target spot, everyone dismounted. They couldn’t allow the sound of the horses to betray them. Ben had the lucky job of tending them until they were needed again. He led them away towards the river, which was far enough to prevent detection but not so far that it would be problematic to reach them later. Gina accompanied him, but she would return on foot. Selena guessed that Ben must not have the stomach for killing. Someone did have to take care of the animals, and Selena was hopeful now that one more life was out of harm’s way.

  When they reached their destination on foot, Selena saw that it was close to the town, but on the far south-eastern edge where the tree line came all the way down amongst the buildings. Cal walked up to meet them and Selena blinked. She hadn’t noticed when he was sent out ahead, and wondered how many other details she was missing while she’d been lost in her thoughts. Until Gina returned, there would be no briefing. They took the opportunity to eat however much they could stomach. Some, including Selena, couldn’t manage so much as a bite in the face of all the tension.

  The group was vigilant, and everyone silently watched and listened for any sign of another human being.

  When Gina arrived, the evening’s instruction began with Shane educating everyone thoroughly on his traps in a low, calm voice. There were three set in different parts of one central corridor in the trees. By the time they were finished, they all knew where each one was and how they worked. Two of the traps were pits they had filled with wooden stakes and sharpened branches. It was an old method, but effective. One of Shane’s more inventive devices was a willowy sapling that had been bent over in an arc with the end anchored to the ground. Its vegetation had been shorn off and replaced by whips that were tipped with fist-sized sharpened stones. When triggered, the sapling would snap off the ground and bring those stones down with a force that could bury them inches into the dirt or anyone standing nearby.

  Finally, the women were shown to the stations where they were to cover their retreating men. They would all be close enough that they could see each other if they came out of hiding. To Selena’s pleasant surprise, each station was marked by a pile of smooth river stones, all good sizes to fit their slings. When the women were clear on their positions, everyone came together to discuss the final details.

  “We have six men now,” Cal explained. “So we’re pairing up. Dan and Bear. Myself and Clint. Jimmy and Shane. Any of us wind up running back this way with men on our tail, all you girls fire at will but for the love of God, don’t hit us by mistake. It’s gonna be dark.”

  “If all goes well, you won’t see us until the night is over,” Dan informed them.

  A sideways look at Gina revealed an unhappy expression, but she wasn’t complaining.

  “Now luckily for us, these boys have been sleeping in a few old houses real close by,” Cal continued. “That means we can do this on foot without their horses being a problem. We’re not going into any buildings. It’s going to be the quick and dirty way. They come outside alone. We’re waiting for them. We don’t want any noise. If we can’t keep it quiet, this isn’t going to work, so we’re going to try to take them out one at a time. Do not take on any pairs. Tonight’s success depends on how unprepared they are for an attack. From what we’ve seen, they couldn’t look less worried.”

  “Don’t forget how many there are,” Dan put in severely. “Things can look easy when most of them are asleep, but if anyone makes a mistake and they sound off, we could be overrun.”

  The daylight was fading, Selena realized with growing apprehension. Just as this occurred to her, the men broke off to prepare their ambush.

  “You girls get to your places,” Cal said. “And don’t fall asleep!”

  The four of them tried to make themselves comfortable as the men disappeared. They had a long night ahead of them, and it would probably be a while before they were needed, if they were needed at all. Selena grabbed one of the stones from her pile of ammunition, anxiously rubbing its smooth curves with her hand. There was no talk amongst them. The more Selena sat thinking about the possibilities of the night ahead, the more the situation rankled her. She was a mean shot. She’d been killing animals with this sling since she was a child, and hardly ever missed. She should be out there with them. What if they couldn’t make it all the way back? A silent war in her mind began. Had they made the wiser decision, or would they be better off with Selena nearby in case things got out of hand before they could get to the trees? All her instincts urged her to sneak down to the tree line so she could at least see what was happening and judge the situation for herself. What if that was a mistake, she wondered. What if she ruined everything because she wouldn’t listen?

  It finally occurred to her that Dan’s judgment in this situation was probably the best. Maybe for once she should just do as he said. If his plan failed, she would not be responsible.

  Selena ground her teeth as the time ticked by. She wasn’t happy. She wasn’t happy at all, and she was damn sick of being treated as if she had little more power than a child. Is it because I’m short?I’ll bet it’s because I’m short, she concluded. But Dan had argued with Gina, who was taller than a lot of the men. Still, Selena was sure Gina got more respect than she did. Maybe it’s because Gina demands it… and my sitting here is a ridiculous waste.

  Selena stood.

  “I’ll be back,” she said in a hushed voice, and after filling her pack with ammo, she crept towards the tree line.

  “Selena! Where are you going?” Sara demanded hoarsely.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be right back,” Selena said over her shoulder. They didn’t follow her.

  When she reached the forest’s edge, she hid in some low bushes and scanned the derelict houses.

  After a minute of careful inspection, she discerned the faint outlines of Jimmy and Shane crouched behind opposite corners of a house in the growing darkness. There was no obvious sign of the others and she wondered if any of the enemy had been dispatched yet. At that moment, a man came walking out of one of the nearest houses. A shed partially blocked her view, but from somewhere beyond it, Cal crept up behind him like a phantom, quickly reaching his knife hand up to the man’s throat. He crumpled silently. Selena winced. Then Clint quickly came out and the two of them hurriedly carried the man behind the shed toward Selena. She kept quiet and low as they dumped the body. When they moved back toward their original locations, she saw Cal hold up three fingers toward the shadow of another house off to her right. She stared into the darkness there. Selena couldn’t see Dan, but she knew he was there. Good. She assumed three fingers meant three kills. Impressively, no one had made any sort of distinguishable sound since Selena had settled into her new spot.

  There were voices. The door of the house on Shane and Jimmy’s watch swung open and a pair of men emerged. No pairs, Selena remembered. But to everyone’s surprise, especially Shane’s, Jimmy slunk out of the shadows toward the man in the rear. Shane scrambled silently after him.

  “Idiot,” Selena hissed silently, hefting her sling.

  As Jimmy performed a perfect repeat of Cal’s earlier maneuver, the man in front of them spun. In that instant, a soft crack was heard and he fell. Anyone with eyes knew that Shane hadn’t been able to reach him before the man went down. He had no warning, no reason to think Jimmy would attack two people when he had express orders against it. At least Jimmy knows how to kill, she mused grimly.

  Selena knew she was in trouble, but didn’t give a rat’s ass. If she hadn’t brought him down that very second, he would have made noise and maybe even called out, risking all their lives. Why would Jimmy do something like that? she wondered with exasperation. Taking deep breaths, she tried to calm her quickened pulse. Adrenaline was a beast easily awakened. They may be angry with her for disobeying orders, but they couldn’t prove it was her and not one of the other girls. Maybe they would cover for her.

  Fortunately, the men were distracted by the
effort of trying to get the two bodies out of sight. Clint had gone over to help, which was a good thing because he could certainly lift more weight than Shane or Jimmy.

  Selena’s skin began to prickle as she observed them. So much for anonymity, she thought with resignation. She glanced into the shadows where she knew he was watching. It was dark and Selena was perfectly hidden, but she knew that he knew she was there. When Clint was finished, he quietly returned to his position beyond the shed. She wished her view of that area wasn’t blocked. Eventually the sensation of Dan’s stare faded. Feeling relieved that no one was sent over to reprimand her and shoo her back to her station, she settled in more comfortably.

  Selena wondered if Dan had actually seen her peek up from her bushes to fire on the man, and then ruled it out. He had surely been focused on the fight. If they had killed three already, they were up to five. In one night, they had removed a fifth of the enemy count.

  Hours went by before anyone stirred again. A stoutly built man of middle height came out the front door of the house where Dan was stationed. In front of him were a porch and a few short steps down to the dusty ground. He stretched and yawned loudly outside the door. Grabbing the railing in the darkness, he took a step down and paused, staring out at the tan earth before him. Selena froze. There was a long, shiny, dark streak where Cal had made his kill about fifteen feet in front of the man.

  “Hey, Jake! Ted!” He called, not moving from the porch. Selena’s mind raced. Jake? Was it the same Jake who had killed Bear’s brother? As she prayed it wasn’t so, the man on the porch called them again. So far there was no hint of alarm in his voice. Eventually the other two stumbled out the door languidly.