Surviving Passion Page 16

  Selena reached up to touch her lips, remembering vividly the feeling of his mouth against hers and his hands on her body. Every second of contact was a deluge of shocking intensity. She knew that he had let his calculating and rational restraint go completely. What truly amazed her was that even though he allowed the blazing passion of his emotions to guide him, he had taken her masterfully. In fact, he’d done it so well, it was as though he’d been trained to do it. As though sex was simply a different kind of combat. As with all his quarry, he was utterly relentless—and thorough. He made her resistance look as pitiful as the men he fought. Whatever he did, he did completely.

  She let out a long breath in an attempt to free herself from the memories that overwhelmed her now. A low groan escaped her, but Selena didn’t try to stifle it.

  “He’s not human,” she muttered aloud.

  A soft thud brought her eyes to the lantern where a moth climbed along the outside of the glass. It fluttered toward the flame again and again before finally finding a way to crawl past the glass. Selena sat up and before she could blow the lantern out, watched as the insect was unable to fight the irresistible lure of the flame and scorched its wings. Quickly Selena blew it out before lying down to a sleepless night in the dark.

  Thirteen

  As the next few days passed, it became evident that Bear and Blaire kept their word. The others were never alerted to the situation with Clint. He seemed a little too happy laying low for Selena’s taste. She had a feeling in her gut that he was going to do some kind of damage sooner or later. It looked like he was biding his time. The situation stunk, but she was so relieved that he hadn’t bothered her since the confrontation she tried to get on with life as normal. In the days following, she hadn’t seen Clint once.

  Throughout this period, Selena artfully avoided Dan. She knew it would only make things more difficult for both of them, but at this point, it was all she knew how to do. It wasn’t hard. She was still staying with Blaire and it was easy enough keeping near other people. Still, it was only a matter of time until he became impatient, and so her apprehension grew. The more Selena delayed the inevitable, the more she worried about what would happen when the time came. Sometimes she felt like she was being a child, but even that knowledge didn’t make her want to face him alone.

  One night Blaire asked Selena to bring the pelts from Shane’s latest hunt to the storeroom. She went about it quietly as it was one of the few times she had gone anywhere by herself in a while. Unfortunately, a lantern was necessary in the pitch black of the storeroom. Selena had only just begun hanging the pelts when she thought she felt a tiny prickle of her skin. She rubbed at the back of her neck in annoyance, wondering if her little alarm system was broken. Just to be safe, she turned to glance at the door. With a gasp, she took a small jump back. Dan’s tall frame filled the doorway, illuminated only slightly by the little lantern flame. Selena kicked herself inwardly for not trusting her instincts, and wondered why she had been surprised. She had known that he would be there. He’s just so imposing, Selena tried to justify her skittish reaction.

  As he stepped into the room, a frown crossed his features and he halted his approach. Selena realized that she had unconsciously backed a step away from him at the same time. She dropped her gaze to the ground in shame and held her arms around her stomach, trying to ignore the way her heart raced.

  “Selena.”

  She lifted her eyes reluctantly to find a new expression. Was it concern or guilt? Both? He took another step toward her, this time looking more resolute.

  Selena began to tremble, and she wasn’t even sure why. It seemed a more extreme reaction than the situation warranted. She wondered if her ability to compose herself had simply shattered under all the recent pressure. While she fought to keep still, it occurred to her that he had halted his approach a second time.

  “Are you afraid?” he asked, as though it were a new discovery.

  When no reply issued from her, Dan looked at the ground and sighed, resting his hands on his hips.

  “Why don’t you come here,” he suggested quietly, but it still sounded like a command to her.

  She stepped slowly around the waist-high stack of pelts that stood in front of her, and stopped before him. He was only a step away now. Her eyes flicked up nervously. His expression softened and he reached a hand to her face. Selena fought the urge to lean away and allowed his fingertips to brush her cheek. Her skin felt like fire where he touched it.

  “I’m sorry,” he told her. His hand dropped back to his side. “It was too fast. I lost control.”

  Selena hadn’t expected an apology. It sounded strange coming from him. She still didn’t think of him as someone who made mistakes. Had she sampled what really lay beneath the typically ironclad discipline of his exterior?

  “You’ve been avoiding me,” he continued when his words had time to sink in. “Why?”

  “Why are you asking me that?” she forced herself to say.

  “To avoid misunderstandings. I need to hear it from you.”

  Selena closed her eyes and drew a steady breath. It was so hard to voice these things, but yet again, she didn’t feel as though she had a choice.

  “Because every time I look at you, I feel helpless and naked,” she finally blurted, looking everywhere but at him.

  “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

  She looked up to glare at him, but found a rare half-smile on his face. It caught her off guard. Was that a devious twinkle in his eyes?

  “You hardly laugh about anything. What’s so funny about this?” she asked him, feeling incredulous.

  “I didn’t laugh,” he answered evasively, his face not entirely straight.

  “I don’t think you’d like feeling this way,” she told him sullenly.

  Dan folded his arms, maintaining his expression of bemusement. “I don’t mind going without clothes. As for helplessness …” he trailed off.

  “You don’t know the meaning of the word,” Selena finished for him.

  “Fair enough,” he admitted, the little smile returning. “At least not for a long time.” He soon grew serious again and a few moments of quiet passed.

  “You didn’t say no,” he said, breaking the silence and studying her face more carefully than ever. “I would have stopped, just like I said I would.” He swallowed and added, “With difficulty.”

  Now that he was talking about what happened, it was easier for her to do the same.

  “How can you say that?” she stammered. “You knew exactly what you were doing and exactly how to do it. You played me like …” she gestured widely, casting about for a proper analogy, “… like a world-class musician!”

  “You didn’t enjoy it?” he asked her with a measured stare.

  Selena’s face burned and she ground her teeth. He knew the answer full well. When she could pry them apart again she continued, “It wasn’t fair.”

  “Not fair,” he repeated with a low chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck and wagging his head at the ground.

  Selena knew she had reached the end of her emotional rope. The conversation had officially become too much for her, so she abruptly tried to head for the door. He hadn’t expected it, but he caught hold of her hand when she tried to squeeze past him.

  “Wait,” he insisted.

  She rounded on him. “Did you or did you not know that I—that I hadn’t … I’d never ….”

  She tried to tug her hand away but he gently kept his hold. Standing this close, she could feel his warmth. She had to fight to hold her ground as she craned her neck to glare up at him.

  “I did,” he admitted, saving her the struggle of verbalizing her virginity. To his credit, he looked apologetic once again. “I told you. I’m sorry. The things you do,” he sighed. “The way you are. You’re all instinct, Selena. It … triggers something. It’s made things very hard. That’s not an excuse. It’s an explanation.”

  What he revealed was no surprise. It seemed like everything she di
d managed to set him off in some way.

  “Was this all my fault then?” Selena asked with a tired sigh, trying not to be distracted by the charged sensation of his hand clasped to hers.

  He shook his head.

  She turned to leave, but still, he did not release her hand. “Tell me what to do so you’ll stop running. So you’ll stop fighting.” He reached out to lift her chin and draw her eyes to his. “What are you afraid of?” he murmured.

  It took her several moments to isolate the truth.

  “You.”

  Dan swallowed hard. “What would change that?”

  She sighed, closing her eyes before answering, “Can we start over and wipe out the past?”

  His brows drew together as he answered. “No.”

  Their hands slid apart as Selena turned and walked out into the night.

  Lying in bed that night at Blaire’s cabin, Selena felt like a weight had been lifted. Although her pride, sense of security and grip on her life altogether seemed to have shattered since she met Dan, everything suddenly looked simpler. The situation was what it was. Her new understanding helped make her feel like she could more easily live with her weakened state and deal with the person she had become.

  For once, Selena didn’t fault herself for being afraid. Not only did she have every right to be, but it was probably a very good thing that she was. Fear was an important part of survival. Being tough hadn’t gotten her anywhere so far and, for some strange reason, seemed to attract more trouble than it deflected when all these men were around.

  The only true problem that Selena had now was the knowledge that Dan was not a bad man; much to the contrary.

  He was no happier about the situation than she was. Selena felt a pang of guilt. He had made it clear to her that law, order and some semblance of a civilized humanity represented his highest ideals. It was like he’d said. She had drawn out his primitive nature again and again until it overcame his will. The kind of intensity she knew raged within him would have to be difficult to control on a normal day.

  This revelation made Selena sad, but until a sense of normalcy was established between them, she could not imagine being comfortable in his presence. She knew this would never come to pass. Like the rest of them, the harshness of the new world had moulded him into a hardened survivor. They each went about living in their own way and had simply become what they had become. Dan was just … something more. That was the only way she could explain it; and the person who Dan was happened to be far too much for her. He was too powerful, too overwhelming and too perceptive.

  When she closed her eyes, haunting visions of him savagely bringing down his enemies in a dark forest danced behind her eyelids. Despite the distance that had lay between them and the darkness at the time, she had seen a sharpness in his eyes that screamed of danger. It wasn’t just the look of a man who was dangerous, but of a man who was constantly aware of the danger around him. It was as though he were predator and prey at once. Only now did Selena realize that this was what was so troubling about him: it was always in his eyes. It lingered when he took his meals, when he moved from one place to another, when he spoke to her. It was no wonder she could never hold his gaze for long. Life and death was always lurking behind it. She now knew that of the two of them, his instincts raged with immeasurably greater force. She wondered if he was even aware of this, or if he was too accustomed to realize it.

  Selena stared at the wooden rafters above her bed, trying to figure out why she couldn’t simply adjust to the way he was. The tenuousness of survival was no new thing. She herself had killed, without a second thought. Furthermore, her long isolation should have erased her sense of human normalcy, shouldn’t it? He had been the first person she had known in years. But what if that alone was responsible for the strange pull that she felt towards him?

  Selena thought back to her earlier days, starting before the Crash and ending with the death of her father. Her parents had wisely adapted to the change, but remained civilized. Their lives had been so different from Selena’s. She couldn’t imagine growing up as they had, in front of a television or a computer. Perhaps it was their normalcy that set her standards still.

  She remembered in a brief flash what Blaire had muttered during the storm when Dan had come up silently behind them. “Makes you glad he’s on our side don’t it?”

  Selena quirked a smile in the darkness. It’s a strange time when the safest place in the world is in the arms of the person who frightens you the most.

  She was exhausted, but it was a long time before sleep claimed her.

  Someone shook Selena’s shoulder quietly, not long after she had fallen asleep. She opened her eyes as a hand clamped over her mouth. In the darkness she could barely make out Clint’s features.

  “Did you miss me?” he whispered sweetly, and then brought a hand down. A shattering pain racked her head, and she was out again. Clint mopped the trickle of blood with her blanket carefully, then lifted her and quietly slipped out of the cabin, closing the door behind him.

  When Selena came to, her mouth was bone dry and her head throbbed fiercely. The constant sensation of rocking had her completely disoriented. When she opened her eyes in the muted early morning light, she realized that she had been slung across a horse’s saddle and tied down. In a flash, the night before came back to her. Selena’s gasp was muffled by a strip of cloth that had been used as a gag. Her eyes darted about frantically so that she might know where she was, but only a sea of redwoods surrounded her. They seemed to be climbing among upward-sloping hills, which meant they must be northwest, but that was all that she could gather.

  Testing her bonds, Selena found them painfully tight. She couldn’t even try to untie the complicated knots, at least not without being obvious, and she wanted to look unconscious for as long as possible. Stealing a glance at the horse she was strapped to, she found it unfamiliar. She discerned that Clint rode ahead, and held the tether to her horse. She cast a hateful stare at his broad back, wishing she could disintegrate him with her eyes. Soon, her anger was replaced with terror and a sense of doom. She had no idea what he was going to do.

  They rode on for a long time, and it was very difficult for Selena to hide her horrible physical discomfort. Despite the passing of the hours, she could come up with nothing to solve her predicament and wondered desperately why no one had intercepted them yet. Neither Blaire nor Tim were light sleepers, she realized. He had managed to get her out quietly in the early night. That meant they had been traveling for at least six hours. The sky was still dim. When would they realize she was missing? Selena fought the urge to cry. Clint had been clever about this, and struck surprisingly fast. It was her fault, she realized miserably. If she hadn’t kept his predatory nature a secret, more precautions would have been taken. She should have been honest. Dan, Cal and Shane should all have known.

  “Mornin’ honey,” Clint leered from up ahead.

  He stopped the horses a few minutes later at a small stream.

  “Glad you’re awake. We’ve got a hell of a fun couple of days planned.”

  He roughly untied her from her mount’s back, and she slid off, tumbling to the ground. Her head swam as the blood flow tried to correct itself from hours spent in the wrong position. Clint was bent down at the stream, filling the water skins as the horses drank. He capped one and threw it at her. Selena’s hands were still bound, so it smacked into them and fell on the ground. She uncapped it and drained it in moments, despite the gag. Clint wrenched it from her and filled it again, looking displeased by the inconvenience. He rose to fish around in her mount’s saddlebag and flung a pouch at her.

  “Eat,” he commanded. “Can’t have you dying on me just yet. Not gonna get any more food until tomorrow, so don’t go and be picky.”

  He strode over to her and she cringed away, but he only tore off her gag before returning to the stream. Selena opened the pouch tentatively and found strips of dried meat inside. She did as he asked so as not to provoke his vola
tile temper. The food didn’t go down easily. When he came towards her again, she tried to scoot away from him.

  “Don’t be silly, sweetheart,” he taunted, tying the gag back on her. He picked her up easily and carried her to the horse while she struggled.

  Grabbing a handful of her hair, he jerked it back and growled, “I’m not your cock-sucking Dan. You fuck around and I will knock your head off.”

  Tears squeezed from the corners of her eyes then, but she had the strength not to sob. Clint threw her into the saddle, upright this time, and violently tied her bound wrists to the saddle horn.

  “I’d keep your seat if I were you,” he warned. Grabbing her horse’s tether, he mounted his again. This time, he kept a much shorter lead and the animals walked almost parallel.

  They rode on for another hour or so before Selena realized that Clint was strangely silent. This was the first time he had kept his mouth shut since she’d met him. He looked on edge.

  Sometime in the mid-afternoon, they stopped again. Clint tethered the horses to a branch and roughly untied Selena, pulling her down. He yanked her gag off and tossed it to the ground, pushing her down next. She shrank away until her back came up against the trunk of a tree. He stood smirking down at her.

  “No time for that now, honey, but soon we’ll have some real fun.”

  He kicked the gag that lay on the ground, disrupting the duff beneath his feet. Selena was staring in confusion when he dropped down to lean against his own tree trunk. He stared back silently for a while. The malice in his eyes was constant. A smirk slowly spread across his face as he watched her, and finally Selena broke the silence.

  “Someone will come after us,” she told him hoarsely as her eyes flicked to the disturbed ground he had left in his wake.

  “Not just someone,” his smirk broadened.